An Observation.
This article is part of Finding the Words, a newsletter that delivers practical insights on the day’s issues.
Last Tuesday morning, I was sitting on my couch, working away, when my 13-year-old daughter appeared in the doorway with a question.
I know I heard her.
I know I answered her.
But I never looked up at her.
I was head down in my computer and half somewhere else. It wasn't until she walked away that I realized I hadn't actually seen her. I missed knowing whether the question she asked was really the question she came to ask, or the one she chose to fill in once she saw I was focused elsewhere.
And by the time I stopped to give her my attention, she was gone.
We caught up shortly afterward—and yes, the question was actually the question. I felt the relief of that, but something bigger stayed with me. In that moment, I hadn't been there for her—not fully.
I hadn't looked up. And lately, I wonder how many of us really are.
Strangers stepping into crosswalks while their heads are buried in their phones.
Colleagues meeting on Zoom while their eyes are focused on yet another screen.
Most of us are doing more than we should in any given moment, and we're missing some of the most important moments in the process.
I like to think that Yogi Berra would have had something to say about it.
The late baseball player, catcher, and manager—one of the sport's great ambassadors—didn't set out to become a communications icon, but many of his catchphrases have lived on far beyond the baseball diamond, and often feel just right for when I'm struggling to find the words:
"It ain't over 'till it's over."
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"The future ain't what it used to be."
And my favorite…"You can observe a lot by watching."
I've called on this last line before, and I decided to come back to it today, because the art of observation feels like something many of us could stand to practice.
Observation is essential to communication, but it requires one thing we're often unwilling to compromise on: setting down devices long enough to process what we're seeing, what we're hearing, and how we can make sense of the information around us to inform our own actions.
Observation is how we come to understand what's feasible, what's possible, and what's avoidable. It's a critical tool that helps us surface the gaps or challenges in communication with others. And, what I've observed is that when a team or organization breaks down, communication is usually a culprit.
But here's why it matters so much right now: In a world where Zoom, email, and texts have become our primary communication tools, much can get lost in translation. There's simply less opportunity to observe, even though the cues are still there. The body language, the hesitation, the things that are said and left unsaid.
All of it makes me wonder...
How much of our current struggles to connect could be addressed by simply paying more attention—not to our screens, but to each other?
We just have to be present long enough to observe them when they happen.
Observing is hard, I get it. There’s so much to be done, in so little time, often with so few resources, that we must just keep pressing forward, and observe as best as we can along the way. But what if we’re missing something crucial along the way? What might more regular observation uncover?
When we're half somewhere else, we stop noticing the very things that make us better communicators, better colleagues, and yes, better parents to the kids standing in our office doorways.
So, here's my challenge: Give yourself some extra time to observe this week. Put the device down long enough to actually see the person in front of you. (This goes for me, too.) Pay attention to how your message lands and what the room tells you in return.
Bottom line: Our daily lives are busy, and our task lists are endless. But the better we get at observing what’s happening all around us, the better we can get at communicating through it. Yogi Berra was right. You can, in fact, observe a lot just by watching.
This post is part of the Finding The Words column, a series published every Wednesday that delivers a dose of communication insights direct to your inbox. If you like what you read, we hope you’ll subscribe to ensure you receive this each week.
