How to Build a Life, and a Legacy with Pete Wright
About This Episode
Pete Wright has spent decades amplifying other people's voices. As a producer, he's an invisible architect of countless conversations, the one who shapes stories without telling them, who creates space for others to shine while remaining carefully out of frame. But what happens when the producer becomes the protagonist?
In this episode of Mission Forward, Carrie turns the tables on her own show's producer—a role reversal that reveals something unexpected about the nature of legacy, presence, and the stories we tell ourselves about who we are.
Pete's journey from behind-the-scenes collaborator to solo podcaster with "Headstone" represents more than just a podcast pivot. It's a confrontation with what he calls a "terrifying hello"—the moment when there's no net, no team, no one to blame or credit but yourself. For someone who has made a living being the essential person nobody sees, stepping into the spotlight requires a fundamental reimagining of identity.
The conversation that emerges between Carrie and Pete is intimate in the way that only comes when two people who've worked together closely finally sit down to really see each other. They explore the deaths that shaped them, the hellos that changed them, and the space between where presence lives.
"Saying hello is an act of courage because it implies change," Pete says, getting to the heart of why so many of us struggle with transitions. Every hello promises that something about us will be different on the other side. Every goodbye demands we let go of a version of ourselves we've grown comfortable being.
In an industry obsessed with personal branding and thought leadership, Pete has built a career on making other people's ideas more powerful. His new solo podcast isn't an abandonment of that philosophy but an evolution of it—using his platform to explore how ordinary people create extraordinary legacies through the simple act of being present for one another.
As Pete and Carrie navigate questions about presence, legacy, and the space between hellos and goodbyes, they reveal something essential about how change actually works: it's not in the dramatic moments but in the daily practice of showing up, of choosing courage over comfort, of saying yes to the person you're becoming while honoring who you've been.
Links and Notes
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Carrie Fox:
Hi, and welcome to the Mission Forward Podcast. I'm your host, Carrie Fox, and this season, as you just heard in that great little stinger, we are talking about hellos, goodbyes and how to make the most of the space between. So why? Why hellos, goodbyes, and such? Because one thing that is certain in this life for every single one of us is change. So how we say hello to the new possibilities, how we say goodbye to the people and the places and the things that we love, and how we stay grounded in between. It really matters, right? How we embrace change matters.
If I am honest, this entire set of conversations that make up season 11 of this podcast was sparked after being a guest on a friend's podcast. This is not just any friend though. We are talking about Pete Wright as in the producer of this show, who also just happens to be one of the most brilliant and creative and funny people I know. So when Pete Wright called me earlier this year asking me to be a guest on his podcast called Headstone, which is about legacies and what we hope to leave behind, I of course said yes, even though the thought of that, of recording a conversation about legacy, terrified me. And more importantly, the words I want on my headstone. Of course, I had an incredible time, as I knew I would, in conversation about who we are and what we hope to leave behind. And honestly, all I could think was, when can we do that again?
So consider this episode, today's show, a part two of that episode, which will be linked in our show notes, so you can go back and check it out for yourself. Pete is funny and warm and so very thoughtful. I am certain you are going to love everything about him in the first two minutes of this show. So let's get on to it. Hello, my dear Pete.
Pete Wright:
Oh my gosh, Carrie. I'm so embarrassed. That was too—that was a bridge too far.
Carrie Fox:
Why?
Pete Wright:
I'm a shrinking violet on your podcast.
Carrie Fox:
Oh, come on.
Pete Wright:
Yes.
Carrie Fox:
Oh, geez. Well, I think otherwise. You came into my life, I should by the way say this, in 2020, when we were trying to figure out how to make this Mission Forward thing something that could exist in virtual spaces because we had started Mission Forward as an in-person conversation series. We had been doing it since 2014. The pandemic hits, we clearly are not convening in person, and we started to do some research on who could help us bring this idea into an audio format. And you came recommended from Carol Cone, who also works with you all to produce her podcast. And the first conversation I had with you, I thought, this is it. This is where this show is gonna go. It's gonna go wherever Pete Wright takes it, quite frankly. And it's been an amazing partnership. So thank you first for that.
Pete Wright:
Thank you. I am—this is you know, I produce a lot of shows and there are just some that I'm deeply honored to be in orbit of and this is absolutely one of them. I'll never let it go.
Carrie Fox:
Oh, thank you. Well, not only do you produce a lot of shows for other people, but you produce some shows for yourself too, including this new one, which I just absolutely love and I want to know the story behind it. So where did you get the idea to launch Headstone?
Pete Wright:
You know, it started some years ago. I'll never forget the story, but it's hard to place. It was on Radiolab, which is I know a shared favorite of ours. And it was a story about death and specifically the three deaths. And the first one being the mechanical death, right? That's the one that matters most to the person dying. And then there's the ceremonial death, the one that matters most to the people who are around you who are still alive. And then there is the memory death, the moment the last person speaks your name.
And there was this story that they told about people—the dead sitting in a sort of purgatory. And they're doing things like playing chess. And so you get people like—you have been around forever. But Lincoln, we never stop saying Lincoln's name. He just can't go. He can't move on. College presidents, founders, they can't move on. And yet there are some people whose names—they stop being mentioned. That moved me in a way I didn't expect to sort of imagine these characters evaporating through history.
And then my dad died. It was sad. It was sad as it is when any parent dies, but you know, my dad died of COVID and I could not be there with him because he was in a COVID unit and I just got to thinking, I wonder where his name stands in the arc of history? When will people stop talking about him? And that started the whole thing of just thinking about what it means to live a life worth leaving footprints for, you know? Like just what does legacy really mean? Does legacy have to be written on the side of a building to be important? And it turns out every single conversation I've had so far is vastly different. So it's been a really fun exploration.
Carrie Fox:
Are there any themes you're hearing in what ties people's thoughts of legacy together?
Pete Wright:
Well, I interviewed another dear friend who's a divorce attorney, Seth Nelson, and his is a really interesting one where his legacy is all about timing, not time, that he comes into someone's life when they are at a very, very low point and helps them get through the lowest of the low in dissolution of marriage, and then says goodbye. And then if he's done his job right, he doesn't see you again, right? That's it. Like he is a wandering ronin, a hero that comes into the story for just this chapter. And yet his role will likely be cemented in your psyche if you've had the I guess luck to work with somebody as capable as he is forever, right? You're gonna remember the lessons you learned as he helps you navigate the fear and uncertainty and doubt of the legal process. So that's one.
I think a lot about this idea that we come into each other's lives for a time and then often we move through it and we move on. What is the mark we leave on someone like that? I interviewed my own trainer, Serzhant Inats, who is from Sarajevo. And you'd think, I mean, I was just curious about, you know, how he got here, how he decided to become a muscle bound superhero and help other people learn to live in their bodies. And his family couldn't get out of Sarajevo during the war. And he was a Christian in a Muslim neighborhood and had to live and go to school learning where the snipers are and watching his grocery store repeatedly blown up right across the street from his home and looking at those stories on strength and resilience as a teenager, what does that do for what you want to do for others as an adult? And what does strength mean beyond its superficiality, right? Its musculoskeletal obviousness. And I find myself fascinated by that.
So you look at just sort of time and timing of the footprints that legacy makes on our lives and how it influences us to live our own. I think that's one of the things that I'm getting out of this show.
Carrie Fox:
I love that. And the idea of footprints, I think it's important to note that we wouldn't be doing this show right now if not for that show. And what I have heard from others who have listened to your show is that it leaves an impression on them and it sticks around, right? And that's the mark of a really good idea, but also a well-executed narrator and storyteller who brings us along that we just want more. We want to kind of see where it takes us next. And your show does that. So thanks for letting me be on it and for launching what I know is—it's almost bigger than I think you realize right now.
Pete Wright:
Well, because of my just raging imposter syndrome, I guarantee you that's accurate.
Carrie Fox:
Well, and also because it's really good.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Well, I appreciate that too. You know there's one that I think—it hasn't been released yet, but because you launched it and this my show, you were guest number one, so kindly and generously and vulnerably to come on this show, neither of us really knowing what we were doing. I interviewed a guy by the name of Rob Cabasko, and he is a communications guy from Arizona, and he worked for about 15 years in Republican politics. And he worked on the McCain campaign, for example, and did all of the graphic design and communications work around all of the publicity for McCain.
And his story, the question I wanted to get from Rob is, what does it mean when you spend your life communicating your own ideology that means so much to you, to your heart, soul, core, and watch it over the years be erased by whatever comes next. What does that feel like at the level of, you know, presidential politics in this country. And I, you know, I guess I just leave it as a teaser here. His answers are fascinating. And I have yet to edit that episode, but I can't wait to get it out there because I think it's important to note that impact is in the impression, not the performance, right? It is in the moment that you have with those messages, those things that you create. So much of what we do is so very temporary, but the positive change and the impressions we leave on people are what endure.
And yeah, I was sitting there wondering, how do you get up every day knowing that everything you do today is gonna be erased tomorrow? And he was like, it doesn't matter. Tomorrow doesn't matter. Today, today is what matters. It's all about the timing.
Carrie Fox:
I had said to you before we started recording this that one of the things I wanted to do today is take some notes of what I hear coming through about legacy and then share them back with you at the end. But I'm gonna share one now because what you just said is sticking with me a lot that I hear this often, Pete, working with leaders, primarily nonprofit executives who in this moment in history are feeling like all of the hard work that they've put in is lost. And it is true on one respect that a lot of critically important hard work has been lost and will have to be gained back. But is it lost forever, right? Is it lost to time? I sure hope not. And so all doesn't have to be lost when the story changes. What we hold on to, right? What we carry forward. And it's back to that first story. The people that come in and out of our lives in these critical moments, what we do with that and how we carry it forward. That we almost become kind of the stewards of the stories that we're told and stewards of the experiences that we have and how we pass that on as we're just kind of passing through.
Pete Wright:
I think that's a really great reflection. And I've been thinking a lot about this, you know, so much of what I talk about is about the legacy, the human legacy, right? The things that we do that leave a mark. But ideas are in that room too, right? Ideas are there until we stop speaking about them. Ideas like equity and justice, they're sitting in that room just waiting. They're just waiting for the next time someone will speak about them and breathe life into them again. And so that matters too, right? Ideas only die when you let them.
Carrie Fox:
All right, let's go to this hellos and goodbyes again because I've got two questions for you. One's about a hello, one's about a goodbye. What is the most important hello you've ever said?
Pete Wright:
Well, my wife, if she ever listens to this, I have to get that out. And I actually had the opportunity to say hello to her twice because she was my middle school girlfriend and then we married many years later. And so saying hello to that level of just sort of again vulnerability, what you give, what you open of yourself to allow another person in, I think matters. And I've learned more about myself, obviously, as a reflection of her and our work together as a couple and as parents than I've learned anywhere else.
And then, you know, I've been doing this podcasting thing for a long time. Before that, I was a journalist and I always had a team. And so you bring up this project, right? And I think you and I have talked about this. Like I've never done a single podcast that was just me. No support. I've got no one writing for me. I've got no one scheduling, no one doing anything, no one even thinking about it besides me. And that, it turns out, was a terrifying hello. It was a terrifying hello to realize there was no net. There was no post-mortem, like who do I sit and talk to about what went wrong on an episode? There's nobody. It's just me. I just sit and talk to myself and figuring out what I can learn from facing something alone, even firmly in middle age, right? Like that it took me quite so long to realize oh, I can do this just 'cause I feel like it's something I need to pursue by myself. It feels a little bit recent, but it feels important. It feels like I may not know why yet, but it just feels important to tell these stories this way.
Carrie Fox:
Right. Yeah, I love that. That's great. I would say my first or most important hello was also Brian. So my spouse. So I agree with you on that one. Second to that is my kids, the moment I became a parent, the moment I first held Sophia, who made me a mom, on Mother's Day, by the way.
Pete Wright:
Oh, dear.
Carrie Fox:
Like just expanded my world beyond what I thought was possible and how every day since her birth I have thought a little differently about the decisions I make and the way I use my time and what I hope I can leave behind in her. And so that moment of becoming a parent was a really important hello for me.
Pete Wright:
See what you did there, Carrie? I just skipped my kids.
Carrie Fox:
Oh no.
Pete Wright:
I just skipped my kids. That is a great—okay, so my second is my kids. I said hello to them too. They're very important. If you're listening, Nicholas and Sophia, I love you very much. You're the best. And then my podcast.
Carrie Fox:
There we go. Correct. Good order. Good order. Nice, Pete. I like it. All right, all right. Well you probably started to hint at this one a little while ago, but we're gonna go now to the goodbyes and the most profound goodbye you've ever said.
Pete Wright:
Yeah, no, you know, it's funny. When I started recording the show, I went back and listened because I couldn't be with dad as he passed, and so I had recorded our last conversation together and I went back and listened to it. It took, you know, two years to go back and actually press play on that thing and I realized he said—he said "Peter," very sort of slow Oklahoma drawl. And there was a long beat, and he said, "I think I've taken care of everything with the pension. Just make sure that Mom is checking the mail." I said, "Dad, it's okay, man. You can let that stuff go. We've got you. Like we'll check the mail. We've got you." And he said, "Okay. Thanks. Love you." Right?
I mean, I you know, like, I don't know that I really want dad to be remembered, his last words to me to be remembered, you know, "make sure you check on the pension paperwork." But there is something very real about that that I think is important to me too, that it takes training to let go of your role. It takes training to let go, to say goodbye to your practice as a companion and as a father and as a husband and as a caregiver. And that's hard to do. That's hard to let go of that. Just as it's hard for me and for mom to let go of him and watch him move on to whatever comes next. It's a real effort. It's high calorie burn to say goodbye to that. And that's an important one for me.
Carrie Fox:
Mm. Mm. Thank you. Yeah, it sounds like your dad did a lot of things well, but knew his role and lived it really well, right? To live a whole life and to live until that literal last breath caring about the people around you. And to have that cemented literally in your last breath, what you say, what a special man it sounds like he was and a great dad to you.
Pete Wright:
Well, he was, and you know, the things that we've learned by saying his name after his passing, the thing we learn about him by just telling the stories of the life he lived and his experience as a young journalist and as a news director and station manager and as a real estate guy, like he remodeled old Victorian homes and turned them into offices that were beautiful. And I mean he was just incredibly creative and passionate and powerful and resilient ultimately. And those are the things that I feel like maybe it took his passing for me to realize that I got to say hello to those parts of me in being responsive to, you know, mom's needs. Like this is so much of this thinking is about being aware of those signals that come into your life, right? That come in through the side door that you didn't even know you were enabled to accept or capable of accepting until you're faced with it. You're staring it down and saying, okay, I get to be somebody new today. I get to, thanks to the lessons of those who came before me, I get to present myself in a new way, embracing my own sort of agency in a way I've never done before.
Carrie Fox:
Right. Yeah. Oh, gosh. So Pete, what that sparks for me, and again, this is kind of one—we find ourselves in recordings often saying things that we don't say in other places. But you and I have reflected a bit on both of our fathers passed away and the similarities and differences in that. And my dad and I had an on-again, off-again kind of relationship. Sometimes it was great, sometimes it was just really terrible. And I spent most of my life saying actually, I never want to be like my dad. And in the moment of my dad's passing when I was there with him, kind of representing my siblings and being there to see him transition from this life, I recognized myself more clearly in him than I ever had before. Right? I'm a lot more like him than I'm not. And that's okay. There's actually a lot that I really love about the fact that I can carry those pieces of my dad forward. And so again, like what you just said, there's lesson number two. Be aware of the signals and open to hearing them and receiving them. That there is so much of us that is informed and inspired and built from those who are around us. So sometimes we don't recognize that until we have to say goodbye to it.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Yeah. And you know, it's an interesting thing. Like I get this all the time, people who see my dad in me. And I used to get frustrated by that. And it's only recently that I start to feel that compliment, right? That in fact I'm carrying around a piece of him genetically, with regard to my personality, my sense of humor, my laugh, my ability to turn on my Oklahoma accent. Like those kinds of things represent all of the pieces of the guy that I love the most. And, you know, I mean, if your character and your personality is at all influenced by your dad, then by gum, he was a pretty good guy too, in a lot of ways. Maybe not all the ways you got to live with, but certainly the ways you represent. And that's a powerful thing too.
Carrie Fox:
Well said. Well said. So I am sure there are people listening to this conversation who, one, are enthralled by it, and two saying, where is the connection to communications, right? This is a communications podcast. And the connection is in everything that we've been saying from the very beginning, right? How we take what we learn, how we go through these hellos and goodbyes and how we use them to practice presence and that's part three right—hellos, goodbyes and the space between. I'm curious if you have found this. I found that in some of those most important hellos I've said in my life and in that most profound goodbye that it has supported my ability to be more present in between. I am more in tune with what I find people are going through around me. I take extra time to try to understand it and get to the root of those problems. And I think I'm a better communicator as a result of those things, having been through those hellos and goodbyes. For you, how has being present changed because of your hellos and goodbyes?
Pete Wright:
You know, it's an interesting thing. I think hellos and goodbyes are the most active ways we shape our own legacy, right? And saying hello is an act of great courage because it implies change, right? It implies something on the other side of a hello that is going to change the way you are perceived in the world, the work that you do, the quality of the output, the relationships you make, all of the things that are sort of most important to our lived experience. Saying hello is an act of courage. On the other side of that hello is presence. Right. And you meet people all the time who say hello but aren't ready for the change that comes. And readiness for change is that key indicator of readiness to embrace your agency.
If you say hello frivolously, if you say hello thoughtlessly, you're not ready to be present with whatever comes next. And I think that that matters not just when we're talking about, you know, what we want written on our headstone, which is a MacGuffin, by the way, right? That's the joke. But it matters with every campaign you launch, every promise you make in marketing copy, everything you say is an opportunity to make good on the hello you said before, to be present, to be active, to be engaged, and to sit with the consequences of those hellos and goodbyes, those decisions that you've made. I think it's really important. And I hope that comes out of this conversation. I really do, because it matters. It matters a lot. I think thinking for me, thinking at a high level directly impacts the words I write every day, right? Everything is impacted by thinking about the choices that we've made, the hellos we've said, and the opportunities to be present for others.
Carrie Fox:
Hmm. Speaking of the choices we make, I said at the top of the show that you were brilliant and funny and creative, and I recognize that I did not say wise. And Pete, you have a wisdom about you that I deeply appreciate. Your ability to articulate really big concepts just off the top of your head, you know, you just make sense of things. You always have, and I appreciate you sharing that.
Pete Wright:
I appreciate that, Carrie. You know, this goes both ways, right? Like I think a lot about More Than Words, right? This is a concept, a conceit, a title of a book, all very, very close to you. And this whole—where all of these concepts tie together is the fact that legacy is a practice, right? Legacy is an active word, right? It's not a project, right? It's not a building.
Carrie Fox:
Right.
Pete Wright:
It's the thing you do every day. And that's what you so beautifully articulate in the book on a very practical level and on our episode of Headstone on a very emotional level, right, that nothing that comes from how we're remembered will be able to be articulated in a project plan. It will all be told in the fabric of the relationships and the works that we've created over a lifetime. And that is more than words. That's more than words. That matters a lot to me.
Carrie Fox:
It makes me think about that story—Igor Stravinsky, the violinist. He used to say when he played a piece of music, people would say, "Why does it sound different when you play it versus someone else plays it?" And he would say, "Well, because it's not about the notes, it's about the space between." And what you just said reminded me of that, the idea that there's so much more than just the actions we go through or the decisions we make in a given day. All of those things matter, right? And it's the how we make those things and that fabric in between those things that either let us become more of who we're meant to be or kind of push us away from the possibility of what that could be.
Pete Wright:
Well, and all of these actions are such catalysts for change, right? Like every goodbye is a catalyst for something that comes next. And I hope—you know, from just this broad message that people are able to hear that a goodbye is not just something you say to someone else. It's saying goodbye to a part of you. It's saying goodbye to a piece of work. It's saying goodbye to something tangible, practical, and something ephemeral and emotional. A goodbye is a catalyst for whatever comes next.
Carrie Fox:
Mm, all right. Well, before we say goodbye, here's a couple questions to leave us on. And let's just see how you take them. Whatever comes out is great.
Pete Wright:
Okay. All right, I'm ready to dance.
Carrie Fox:
All right, so Pete Wright, do you say hello with a hug or with a handshake?
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Hug. I don't even need to finish the sentence. I'm a hugger, Carrie.
Carrie Fox:
All right, all right.
Pete Wright:
COVID was hard. I'm a hugger.
Carrie Fox:
Yes, as am I.
Pete Wright:
Yeah.
Carrie Fox:
What's your favorite language to say hello in?
Pete Wright:
Besides the language of hugs? I guess I just say it in hello, though my Duolingo Spanish is getting there.
Carrie Fox:
Nice. And is it hello? Is it hi? What's your go to?
Pete Wright:
Oh. I think I'm a big "hey" person, but I say it like "hey," like there's a lot of "hey."
Carrie Fox:
Yeah. There's a lot of personality in there.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I try to go big.
Carrie Fox:
Okay. Nice. What's one thing you never leave home without?
Pete Wright:
My phone. Sorry, it's always there.
Carrie Fox:
Well, you know what? It's your phone and it's your watch and it's your credit card, and we'll just say that it's a lot of things.
Pete Wright:
Yeah. Yep. It's a lot of things.
Carrie Fox:
And in this big game of life, Pete Wright, what is one thing you hope to leave behind?
Pete Wright:
It's supposed to be my line. How did I not see this coming? I think that I hope that people remember me as somebody who was an enthusiastic magnifier of great things in the world. I may not be creating the next great piece of technology or the great discovery or planetary science. I'm not doing any of that, but my God. I love helping other people discover it and I love sharing my enthusiasm for other people's great works. I hope I'm remembered as a magnifier of enthusiasm.
Carrie Fox:
Hmm. Mm. Well, I can speak from experience that you have been that for me for many years now, and it's certainly something that I love and appreciate about you, Pete. I'm so glad that you're in my life and that you were able to come do this with me today and to wherever we go next.
Pete Wright:
Wherever we go next.
Carrie Fox:
My friend, thanks for being with me today.
Pete Wright:
Thank you.
Carrie Fox:
And that brings us to the end of this episode of the Mission Forward Podcast. We touched on hellos and goodbyes and the space between with such care and clarity that I need to go back and take notes on Pete's wise words. If something about this show is sticking with you, I hope you'll let me know. Drop me a line at carrie@missionpartners.net. And remember this, life is full of change. So embrace it. Wherever you're going, wherever you've been, and wherever you are right now, make the most of it. And I'll see you here next time on the Mission Forward Podcast.
